The “What If & Yes But” syndrome is a variation on the same self-sabotaging mindset sometimes called the “but if” syndrome, “mental reservation,” or “escape clause.” It describes two closely related patterns of thought that can undermine recovery:

“What If”

This involves projecting into the future and imagining worst-case scenarios.

“What if I lose my job?”. “What if my partner leaves?” “What if I get really sick?” and using these fears as a pre-emptive justification for relapse or abandoning recovery efforts.

Underlying belief: “I can handle normal life sober, but ‘what if’ something too big or too painful happens?” This type of thinking creates anxiety about hypothetical events and provides an unconscious “permission slip” to relapse if those fears materialize.

“Yes But”

This mindset emerges in response to recovery advice or solutions. When someone suggests a strategy (“Consider attending more meetings,” “Try this coping skill,” “Reach out for help sooner”), a “Yes But” thought immediately negates it: “Yes, but I’m too busy,” “Yes, but that won’t work for me,” “Yes, but you don’t understand my situation.”

Underlying belief: “No matter what solutions I’m offered, they won’t be good enough,” which leads to a sense of helplessness or an excuse to keep doing things the same way, potentially returning to old behaviours.

Both “What If” and “Yes But” revolve around maintaining a mental reservation—an inner belief that full recovery might not be sustainable or is only conditionally possible. Together, they function like an internal escape route: a quiet voice saying, “I’m serious about recovery unless (what if…) or until (yes but…) something happens, or someone pushes me to try a solution that I’m unwilling to consider.”

Why This Happens

Fear of the Unknown

Worrying about future “what ifs” can feel safer than taking a leap into the unknown. If you assume you won’t be able to cope in a worst-case scenario, you can mentally prepare to “use” or “act out,” keeping one foot in old habits.

Distrust in Solutions

“Yes but” thoughts often stem from previous failed attempts or a deep-seated belief that your problems are uniquely unfixable. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy when you dismiss every potential solution.

Comfort in Familiar Behaviours

Even if old behaviours were destructive, they were predictable and provided a (temporary) form of relief. Holding onto “What If” and “Yes But” gives you a built-in rationale to revert to those behaviours if things get too uncomfortable.

Underlying Emotional Pain

Unprocessed grief, trauma, or persistent stress can fuel a belief that certain events or experiences will be impossible to survive without your old coping mechanism (substances, gambling, disordered eating, etc.).

Why It’s Problematic

Blocks Commitment: By entertaining future hypotheticals (“What if…?”) or immediately discounting solutions (“Yes, but…”), you leave open the possibility that recovery might not work.

Increases Risk of Relapse: The more you replay these mindsets, the more you “train” yourself to consider relapse acceptable under certain conditions.

Prevents Growth: You can’t fully test healthier coping strategies if you’re constantly dismissing or fearing them. Recovery requires experimentation with new skills, persistence, and openness to change.

How to Overcome “What If & Yes But” Thinking

Recognize the Pattern

Start noticing when your thoughts veer into “What If” (future catastrophizing) or “Yes But” (automatic dismissal). Write them down or share them with a sponsor, counsellor, or trusted friend.

Challenge Catastrophic Predictions

Ask yourself: “Is this fear 100% guaranteed to happen?” or “If it did happen, is relapse truly my only option?” Often, the catastrophes we imagine don’t materialize and even if they do, there are healthier ways to respond.

Test Solutions Gradually

Instead of dismissing suggestions with a “Yes, but…,” consider trying them in small steps. If someone suggests going to more meetings, start with just one extra meeting this week. Prove to yourself, through real experience, that new approaches can help.

Build a Crisis Plan

Similar to addressing the “but if” syndrome, create a written plan that outlines who to call, where to go, and what to do if a feared scenario arises. This reduces the power of “What If” by giving you concrete next steps.

Seek Support and Accountability

An outside perspective (therapist, peer group, sponsor) can help you see when you’re slipping into “What If” or “Yes But” mode. They can also offer real-life examples of people who faced similar circumstances and stayed sober.

Practice Mindfulness & Resilience

Incorporate mindfulness, breathing exercises, or other grounding techniques to stay present rather than lost in future fears. As you build resilience, “What If” scenarios lose their grip, and “Yes But” excuses become less convincing.

Final Thoughts

The “What If & Yes But” syndrome is ultimately about holding onto self-defeating beliefs and justifications for relapse. By recognizing these patterns, challenging your assumptions, and staying open to solutions, even if they’re uncomfortable, you can weaken the hold of these thought traps and move more confidently toward sustained recovery.